imagine
an edge at which we meet at dawn
to walk amongst fallen trees and twigs
leaves and shrubs
crawling with our pasts
alive with sensations
where everything is moving
breathing
continuously evolving
transformative rather than conserve-ative
boundaries are the distance at which we can love ourselves and each other
simultaneously.1
by now, you know about personal
boundaries, about what they are and how
difficult it can be to navigate them. what
used to be a non-concept, is now seen as an
expression of self love. however this shift of
understanding is often confined to the space
of personal responsibility. a move towards
optimization rather than liberation.
I believe that we need a situated analysis.
our boundaries are ways for us to adjust to the circumstances we find ourselves in. they grow from our lived and felt experience.
how are we supposed to love ourselves
in a world teaching us to ignore our needs
and cross our boundaries
in a world where saying this is too much risks
income
status
relationships
and safety
how are we supposed to love ourselves
if going beyond your capacities is expected,
essential even
if there’s no way to take time for yourself
or for others
care is gatekept
how are we supposed to love ourselves
if rest and recharge is not an option
because stress
is something prestigious and casual
how are we supposed to love ourselves
when stress
is just another word for fear
(physiologically the same)
a warning of your body
an alarm constantly going
gnawing and numbing
we are expected to detach and push
ourselves, while the boundaries of the
institutions and systems structuring our lives
are seemingly absolute.
there was no room for
our wholeness in first place
this has never been love
national boundaries are the fences at which
lives are lost or rather taken
the rooms in which people are locked
or the practice of confining
the oceans as we turn them into cemeteries
the categorizations of
who is a threat and who isn’t
who belongs and who doesn’t
who is of value, who is not
who is at which end of scarcity
who gets to self determine
and to which degree
we can’t let those be the borders of our lives.
we can’t let them define the horizons of our dreams.
threaten the boundaries that divide us. tear
them down inside of us and elsewhere. stop
loving what doesn’t love us back.2
love each other radically instead.
how far do we want to go and where?
where do we want distance and where do
we choose to be close?
making space for each other
growing trust
once we feel safe with each other
and seen
slowly
we melt our armor, soften walls,
offer each other our surfaces
to touch
gently
dare to push
shape differently
breathe life into the parts that went numb
from being hurt too many times
we grow with and into each other
we grow with and into ourselves
grow more resilient
and dangerous
ready to defend each other
learning how to fight together
1 compare Prentis Hill (2021) “Boundaries Can Be Love” in adrienne maree brown’s Holding Change, AKPress (2021)
2 source unknown